Even the most secure folks sometimes have trouble when opening a relationship goes from philosophy to practice. And the first times your honey is out with someone other than you can be particularly challenging if you've only experienced monogamy before.
Its totally common for me to hear from folks who say they've been fine all along and suddenly when the house is empty- or their partner isn't available by phone insecurity, jealousy and anxiety swoop in for an unplanned visit.
If you haven't thought ahead it's really easy to get swept away in an anxious surprise. So I often urge clients to think up a self-care action plan before that trifecta of emotion comes knocking. Here are some of the ideas my clients have come up with:
- Take a colleague to dinner
- Call/Skype/Facetime that far away friend you haven't spoken with in a while
- Got to the spa
- Take a run/hike/jog/walk/roll
- Go to therapy
- Find an art gallery you haven't visited (or return to your favorite one)
- Take yourself to the movies
- Plan a date with your sweetie in the future
- Go to a concert
- Wander through Powells (or whatever your favorite bookstore is)
- Plan your own date
- Find a meditation space near you and join others for meditation
- Go to happy hour
- Try that class at the gym you've always been curious about
- Host a dinner party
- Travel to see that friend all the way across town you never get over to see
- Take a long bike ride
- Eat something you normally wouldn't with your sweetie
- Enroll in that class you're curious about and see it through
- Find somewhere to dance it out
- Plan a big trip you've been dreaming about
- Find a poetry reading to attend
- Play with your pets
- Slow-cook yourself something special
Hi! I'm glad you're reading. Let me know if I can help you:
- reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
- rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
- move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity
- manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
- resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
- change communication & codependent patterns
- open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity
I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland, OR).
Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.