50-70% of all couples (monogamous and otherwise) experience infidelity
If an affair has just been revealed in your relationship odds are you feel totally overwhelmed, shocked and really concerned about where the future will take you.
Most folks I talk with are losing sleep or worrying endlessly. They’re having repetitive conversations and cyclical arguments with their sweethearts.
They feel wrecked with guilt, and confusion, shame, jealousy, rage, and betrayal- and it’s really hard to see a way forward.
Here's what I want you to know:
You can get through this.
Most couples who work with me after an affair are sorting through a lot of intense feelings and a lot of mixed advice on what to do next. I use my experience and expertise in this field to support you in finding clarity and moving forward with integrity.
Jealousy is my speciality.
I have helped hundreds of people online and in person work through feelings of jealousy and insecurity that arise as a result of infidelity. If you're experiencing intense feelings of anger, jealousy, sadness, fear, or confusion please know this is a really common reaction to what you're going through.
I’m here to support you through it- so you feel in control instead of feeling like your emotions are controlling you.
I'm not here to judge.
Usually the people I work with who have had an affair feel a lot of shame or guilt. I am not here to add to the pile of shame you're experiencing. My goal is to help you sort through the feelings you're having to move forward.
Many folks aren’t sure if they’ll stay together after infidelity. I can help you reconnect with your personal values and choose a path forward with compassion- together or not.
I created a couple workbooks for clients based on my experience with couples. Click the images for more information.
WHAT I DON'T DO
Sit and nod - instead, we'll take action (I've been described as "direct and not-coddling")
Add shame or judgment to your experience (there's already too much of that in the world)
Assume your experience is the same as anyone else's
Pathologize you (I don't treat mental illness, so you won't receive a diagnosis, assessment or treatment for mental health conditions or substance use)
Support couples who are actively violent with one another- your safety needs to come first, then our work together can begin
WHAT I DO
Bring a decade of experience helping folks build and rebuild trust to your service
Help you listen and communicate effectively to get out of repetitive arguments
Identify ways to manage really intense emotions
Use a strengths-based approach to help you grow in a positive direction
Develop an individualized plan to change the relationship patterns that brought you here
Keep momentum and hope alive - even if it's hard for you to feel hopeful
I've been blogging about relationships for a long time. Check out some of the most-read about trust and affairs here:
Can we get through this affair?
Even couple takes a different route through infidelity. Some of my couples choose to split up- and in those cases I help them do so with respect and kindness.
Most of my couples choose to stay together and though it isn't easy many of them make it through. We work to repair broken trust and create communication that works for both of you moving forward.
Is infidelity normal?
Affairs happen in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Estimates range between 60% (monogamous couples) and 80% of all couples experience infidelity. So yeah, infidelity is pretty common.
If you're asking is it normal to feel this way, please know it is completely "normal" to feel a lot of intense and conflicting feelings whether you are the partner who has an affair or the one who didn't. Your feelings are valid. Let me help you work through them with integrity.
I work with couples to rebuild trust and overcome jealousy in weekly meetings. I’ve helped hundreds of couples move forward after an affair.
Should we break up?
I wish I could answer for you. Instead, what I offer is a space and support to help you get clear about any possible way forward, a repair plan of sorts, so you can determine if you have the energy and strength to resolve what happened and make the necessary changes in your relationship to move forward (together or not).
I feel like a crazy person. Why am I so jealous?
Even some of the most calm, self-aware, highly skilled communicators I have worked with experience really unexpected reactive emotions after an affair. Give yourself compassion and space to work through those emotions without hurting yourself or those around you. I’m here to help you do just that.
I'm can help you repair trust no matter what you've been through.
Set up a free consultation to see if we're a good match to work together.
I often refer to these three favorite books when working with folks after infidelity. Click the book's image to order your own copy.
Note: These books are heterocentric and monogamy-based. But the material can still be applied to pairs/diads in non-monogamous relationships.
Read something great? I'm always looking for suggestions. Send your book recommendations to firstname.lastname@example.org.