find passion again

Do We Really Need a Safe Word?

safeword sue | what is a safeword | safewords in relationships

What is a safeword anyway?

A safeword is a word or phrase that can be used to communicate when a person is nearing or crossing a physical, emotional, or ethical boundary.

They can be a shortcut to creating consent and can make communicating easier in moments of intense emotion or pleasure.

Some safe words are used to stop a situation outright, while others can request reduced level of intensity. Often people use red (stop), yellow (slow down or pause), and green (keep going) as an example of these.

I've recommended asexual safewords to clients when engaging in vulnerable potentially emotionally triggering situations as well as intimate situations. They can be a shorthand or code for nearing emotional overwhelm or tender topics and can help couples slow down conflicts when they arise.

Safewords originate in BDSM community where safety and consent are critical to ethical respectful play. Many organized BDSM and play groups and spaces have standardized safewords that members agree to use to avoid confusion at large group events. 

If they're going to work for you, safewords have to be discussed before you enter an intimate situation with a new partner. You can ask if they have a safeword they like, or you can offer words that work well for you. They can be playful, or direct depending on the mood or scene you're creating with your partner. For some people safewords can be an important part of sexual role play.

Here are some of the words my clients have chosen:

Pause

Foul ball

Don't stop

Banana bread

Strike one

Stop

FUCK

Mr. Big

Grandma

Yes please


Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

open relationship counselor | open relationship coach | polyamory coach
  • open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
  • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • shift stuck communication & codependent relationship patterns

I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online and in Portland, Oregon. Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

A Month of Kindness for Your Relationship

So many incredible couples reach out to me to help them reconnect with each other.  While there are lots of ways to get there, starting on the path of reconnection can be easier than you think.

The biggest challenge is shifting your patterns to take tiny daily actions that move you towards more meaningful connection in the smallest of ways.  Most long-term couples need a reminder and a serious commitment to change in order to re-establish these smallest connections.  

So I created a little calendar to help you two commit to daily action.  Click the image to download a copy to give it a try this month.  

As always, if you'd like help nurturing the connection between you, I'm happy to support you. Give me a call. 

What Couples Who Still Have Great Sex Do Differently

sex after marriage | passion long-term relationships | desire fatigue

Yes, it's totally common to have desire fatigue set in when you've been together a long time. The more comfortable you get (which is a good thing) the more energy you need to put into keeping the passion alive.  

But where do you direct that energy? How do you actually shift things back in the direction of desire?

Couples who keep things sex long-term have a few key things to teach us. Overall there are five ways they focus energy in their sex lives that keeps the momentum flowing.  

Reminiscing

Couples who report long-term sexual satisfaction do one thing a lot of others miss. They share fond memories of previous sexual encounters with each other. That might sound like any of these:

  • "The way you kissed me last night was really hot."
  • "Remember the time we did it on the beach at your parent's condo? I'd love to re-live something sneaky like that again."
  • "I was just thinking about the first time you spanked me and it made me smile."

Reminiscing isn't the same as giving feedback or making requests. It's simply sharing fond memories of things that worked well for you.  It's food for thought.

    Highlights Reel

    Couples who still love making love often have a solid practice of sharing what I call a highlights reel after sexual contact. Shortly after they finish they share a few specific highlights that worked well for them.  

    These might include:

    • "Oh my god it was so hot when you pulled my hair."
    • "I couldn't tell what you were doing with your fingers this time... but something about the beat and the circles you were using really worked for me."
    • "I loved watching your face when you climaxed tonight. It's such an incredible turn on to know you're so comfortable with me."

    In addition to giving positive feedback to your partner, this helps them more confidently build a repertoire of acts to draw from in the future. If you clearly let them know a few favorites you there's less to be confused about.

    Play by Play

    Relationships with long-lasting passion talk more during sex than others. Period.

    Let go of the fantasy your partner can/should/will read your mind and intuit your desires. That just will not last the test of time as your bodies and desires grow and change. 

    This doesn't necessarily mean dirty talk or roleplay (though you can incorporate those) but it does mean positive feedback and positive re-directs in the heat of the moment. Even if you can only manage a few words, try talking during the act. Here are a couple phrases to try:

    • "Yes!  Keep going."
    • "Don't stop what you're doing with your mouth!"
    • "More pressure. Just like that!!"

    Not only are you giving feedback but this is a way of building your consent practices to make sure you're on the same page about what you're doing and what you want to do. The converse of this is to ask more often during sex:

    • "How is this position for you?"
    • "Do you want more of my hand inside you?"
    • "Can I go faster?"

    Getting clear on what's working and what you both want helps you stay on the same page.

    Shared Fantasy

    Finally, couples who report a satisfying long-term sexual connection share fantasies openly. This means they're both brave enough to be vulnerable and share their desires, AND their partner is compassionate and empathetic when hearing them. 

    Again, these are not requests, but ideas.  They might sound like this:

    • "I've always had this idea that dressing up in matching tuxedos and going commando would be really hot."
    • "Sometimes I daydream about eating chocolate off your body."
    • "I think you'd look hot tied to the bed."
    • "I don't know if I ever want to try this, but I have secretly loved gay porn so long, I sometimes imagine you with other men."

    These are not requests. Only statements about what is and might be hot. It's really important for the receiving partner not to fee pressure in the moment to figure out how to (or if) they could fulfill these desires. Only to honor them in the moment.  

    It's also really important these desires are received without judgment or laughter.  There's nothing wrong with having fantasies (in fact, they're very healthy).  Being able to share them openly with a partner increases trust and often desire between you.  Here are some options for responses:

    • "Wow.  I can tell you're super into that."
    • "I'm so glad you told me. Let's talk more about it after I have time to do a little research."
    • "Ooooh.  Let me think about how I could make something like that work for us."

    Maybe there's some part of these fantasies you'd be into.  SIt with them, honor them and be careful not to yuck your partner's yums.  Sharing openly is far more important than ever acting on all of the fantasies you hold.

    How to make these first four tips work for you:

    • keep it specific - "that time in Chicago was nice" gives a lot less information than "The time in Chicago was so hot because you came first."

    • keep it positive - focus on any little thing you liked or found hot

    Why they work so well:

    • you're practicing getting vulnerable with each other by sharing these intimate details

    • you're giving feedback about what works so you can possibly replicate at another time

    • you're fueling sexual chemistry by focusing on what works for you

    • you're improving both your sexual confidence by identifying strengths

    Finally: Investing in Personal Passion 

    Most long-term couples desire wanes because they stop investing in their personal passions, friendships, creative pursuits, and desires. Over time these fall away as we focus on building our shared life, home, and family with someone. 

    But when these are out of balance it is really difficult to feel sexy.  Think about when and where you feel confident and/or sexy.  Make a list of the factors that contribute to those sexy times.  Then commit with your partner to investing in those confdent and sexy individual pursuits. 

    Here's an example from one of my clients (offered with permission):

    Her: "I feel most confident when I'm on the dance floor with my girlfriends.  I like getting dressed up, having a fancy cocktail and getting swung around to salsa music. I love the confidence of proud lead dancers, the feeling of the beat, and the change of pace when I put that kind of energy into looking good.  I usually wear my good underwear, a cute dress, I do my hair... I don't do any of those things on a regular basis!"

    Him: "I feel most confident when I've been running regularly.  Like I feel better at work, at home- everywhere if I've gotten a few miles in each day.  I notice my head is held higher and I'm in a better mood. I'm not sure it's 'sexy' but I feel like I get more done and feel better so getting laid is a higher priority when I work out. I also feel really confident at work.  I like being in charge and feel great because I'm usually the only one in the room who knows my specialty.  I am kind of an expert on [this thing] and people come to me for advice."

    Think about the situations and factors that fuel your more passionate self and find a way to build those situations into your life on a more regular basis.  


    passion after marriage | sex coach portland relationship coach

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
    • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
    • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
    • resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
    • change communication & codependent patterns
    • open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity

    I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland, OR).

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    How to Predict Your Break Up

    sex therapist open relationships therapist couples counseling for sexual difference desire and passion in marriage

    What keeps couples together long-term?

    It is not uncommon to go through phases of connection and disconnection in relationship.  But some of us stay together, and others break up. 

    Some of the best training I have received to understand couples is studying the work of John Gottman. Gottman is based in Seattle and set out to see if you could measure relationship strength based on behaviors.  

    Strong couples do things differently

    Over time it became clear- strong couples do things differently.  In the video below John Gottman himself outlines one thing you can do today to improve your relationship.  

    There are a lot of things you can do to improve your relationship, but if you really want just one step, getting curious about getting to know your loved one is a great place to start.  

    When we think of the beginning romance phase of a relationship (when most of us are the most excited about our partners) we are often really invested in forming what Gottman calls a Love Map.  We do this by interviewing them and being fascinated by their answers.

    "You love broccoli?!?  I love broccoli too!!!"  We are meant to be together. 

    Over time we stop interviewing.  We assume old answers still hold true.  

    But the truth is, we all change in time and most of our answers do too.  When we stop asking we stop seeing our partner as a growing being.  We miss out on opportunities to get to know them more fully.  

    Challenge Yourself:

    I created a few tools I use all the time with the clients I support specifically to address this issue.  You can use them totally free in your own relationship _ I'm confident they'll help! 

    Add your email to get my regular messages and challenges to keep you connected with fascination, curiosity, and desire long-term.  


    couples therapy online couples counseling

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • reconnect with passion in your long-term relationship
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • change unhealthy communication and codependent patterns
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Get Inspired

    sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

    Couples who share fulfilling sex lives long-term talk about sex in three specific ways.  Today I'm outlining one of the three as a part of my series on desire fatigue in long-term relationships.  

    Read the rest of the series here.

    Have Sex Tonight

    Get the guide I created to have better sex in your relationship right away.  Enter your information below to access the guide (and a bunch of other great tools for successful relationships). 

    Name *
    Name

    portland polyamory counseling online sex therapy couples counseling

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • reconnect with passion in your long-term relationship
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • change unhealthy communication and codependent patterns
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Make Some Repairs

    sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

    Desire fatigue (diminishing passion over time) is SUPER common in long-term relationships, but it doesn't have to be.  

    I'm using this series to outline the simplest ways to overcome the most common reasons couples stop having sex. CLICK HERE to read the full series.


    In this video we'll talk about one of the most common things getting in the way of your sexual connection- repair work.  All too often couples grow distant or have trouble finding the spark because something went wrong and was left unresolved in the past.  Here's what to do about it:

    Enter your information below to get access to my full toolkit for Sexual Desire in Relationships.

    Name *
    Name
     
    1. READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    2. Biology

    3. Time Scarcity

    4. Lack of Self-Care

    5. Maintenance Sex 

    6. Lack of Inspiration

    7. Assumption-Making 

    8. Initiation Hesitation 

    9. Lacking Feedback

    10. Poor Consent Practices 

    11. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    12. Routine Boredom 

    13. Necessary Repairs

    14. Desire Maintenance

    15. Alone Time


    open relationship counseling online couples therapy for nonmonogamy

    Hi!  Thanks for reading!  

    Let me know if I can help you:

    • rekindle the magic and ignite passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond codependency, insecurity and reactive jealousy
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • change unhealthy communication patterns
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor, certified relationship coach, and retired couples therapist specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    She hosts retreats, workshops, and sees clients for consultation online and in Portland, Oregon. 

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Desire Maintenance

    sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

    Desire fatigue (diminishing passion over time) is SUPER common in long-term relationships, but it doesn't have to be.  

    I'm using this series to outline the simplest ways to overcome the most common reasons couples stop having sex. CLICK HERE to read the full series.


    In this video we'll talk about desire maintenance- how to fuel the desire within you so you can keep it happening between you.  Watch here:

    Enter your information below to get access to my full toolkit for Sexual Desire in Relationships.

    Name *
    Name
     

    If you want to talk more about keeping desire alive in your relationship schedule a free call with me.  I'd love to hear from you.

    1. READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    2. Biology

    3. Time Scarcity

    4. Lack of Self-Care

    5. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    6. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    7. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    8. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    9. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    10. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    11. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    12. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    13. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    14. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    15. Alone Time


    POLYAMORY COUNSELING OPEN RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING ONLINE COUPLES THERAPY

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Alone Time

    sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

    This is part of a series of posts about sex and desire in long-term relationships.  CLICK HERE to read the full series.


    It might seem counter-intuitive, but alone time is essential to maintaining desire in long-term relationships.  

    But I don't mean just spending time alone, scrolling social media, or on a netflix binge.  The kind of alone time that fuels desire is all about you spending quality time with yourself, and when it's out of balance, sexual desire starts to drop fast.  

    A-Sexual Passion & Exploration

    This is far more important than most people ever give credit, but most of us table our personal passions for the grind of daily life to the detriment of our passionate selves.  

    Think about it, when was the last time you devoted your full presence for an hour to something you truly love doing?  When was the last time you found flow?  When was the last time you dove into something and learned something interesting or new?

    If you can't remember, or if it was a long time ago, you're going to want to devote some energy back in the realm of your personal passions.  Clear an hour this week to learn something new, try a different adventure, or return to a creative craft you've long retired.  

    If you can't even imagine which passions you might consider, devote your hour to starting a personal bucket list now.  Make a list of anything you might want to try, and leave room that trying new things might open doors to passions- or at least will get you out having fun.  

    And if you're in a partnership have a conversation about how you can support one another in cultivating personal passion.  For many folks having someone else maintain household responsibilities, or provide childcare while you adventure is vital to finding time for this practice.

    Here are some examples of the personal passion adventures some of my clients have chosen:

    • intuitive dance
    • researching buddhism
    • collage
    • volunteering at the art museum
    • silent dance party
    • Thai cooking class
    • knitting
    • landscape design
    • cheesemaking
    • tarot readings
    • corset making
    • furniture design

    The passion you choose to explore may not seem "sexy" per se, but you might be surprised how much committing energy to a-sexual passions can ignite the confidence, fascination, and arousal you're craving.

    Enter your email below and I'll send you a handy guide to create your passion bucket list.

     

    Self-Love 

    The other area for quality solo time and passionate self-exploration is practicing literal self-love.  

    Answer honestly: when was the last time you masturbated?  Many folks in long-term relationships fall out of practice with self-love (many more still never had a practice in the first place).

    But because every human body is unique and we are growing and changing all the time, staying connected to your own body's desires, arousal patterns, likes and dislikes is so very important to communicating well about sex with a partner.  

    Allow yourself space and time in the week to explore your body, try new toys, fantasies, and sensations along the way to help you stay connected to your sexual body's needs and desires.  Remember, there's no right or wrong way to masturbate, just trust your body and follow it's lead.  

    Anytime you want help talking through all this, I'm here to help.  Just set up a consultation so we can chat!

    READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    1. Biology

    2. Time Scarcity

    3. Lack of Self-Care

    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    14. Alone Time


    sex therapist polyamory counselor online sex therapy

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Time Scarcity

    poly therapist portland sex therapist | couples counseling for sexuality

    This is part of a series of posts about sex and desire in long-term relationships.  CLICK HERE to read the full series.

    Today I want to talk about one of the simplest ways to increase the sexual connection between you: clearing up time scarcity.  

    Time scarcity is usually something we talk about at work.  You miss a deadline and find yourself procrastinating yet you always find yourself running out of time to really get things done. You just never can find the time to do the thing that's most important.  

    Apply that theory at home and you'll hear one of the most common factors facing busy couples in their sex life.  Between laundry, errands, hobbies, friends, and work there's just no good time for sex.   

    Time scarcity breeds sadness at lost opportunities.  It also fuels comparison and shame when we look at others who somehow have time to do the things we wish we were doing.

    There are three key ways to shift the time scarcity mindset.  Try applying these in your own life:

    1.  Check your beliefs

    Most of the time this time scarcity is all in your head.  Reality-check your thoughts here.  Is it really completely true there 's no time for sex?  How long does sex usually take you and your partner?   

    For most couples it takes 5-20 minutes to have satisfying sex- are you really sure there are no 20-minute sessions you can free up in the week?

    2.  Shift to appreciation and gratitude

    Sometimes when we're stuck in a mindset of lacking we completely miss the opportunities all around us.  We're so focused on what's not happening and our resulting disappointment, we miss all the space where it could happen.

    Try spending a week shifting your mindset.  Every time sexual time-scarcity crosses your mind shift to appreciation for the times you do have affection, connection, understanding, and attraction between you.  Start noticing the opportunities that are already there in order to enhance them.

    3.  Reprioritize your schedule

    Most people have peak possibility times each week, in session we call these optimal arousal zones.  These are times and settings where we're more likely to be open to having sex.  

    It's not unusual for you and your partner's arousal timelines not to be in sync.  Often one of you prefers mornings and another might prefer mid-afternoon.  One of you might realize you're most easily aroused when on a dance floor and another might be best in the mood after a sleep-in morning.

    It's also not uncommon to have the daily routines and responsibilities of life interrupt your sexual peak schedule.  If you're a mid-afternoon person and you work a 9-5 job, it can be hard to find a time to connect with your partner that aligns with your arousal zone.

    So what should you do?

    First, talk to your partner.  Even if you think you already know when they're most likely in the mood, start a conversation and see what you can learn about the optimal time and setting for their arousal.  

    Then look at your schedules and make a plan.  You might not want to plan for sex entirely, but plan to spend some quality time on a regular basis connecting with each other in the time and settings you've shared as optimal arousal zones.  See what you might learn if you actually set aside time for fully present connection in these windows.

    Self-Check

    If you're not willing to create time, shift your thought patterns, or reality-check your assumptions ask yourself why.   

    How does keeping things as they are serve you?  

    How could your partner support you in moving forward?

    Or are you truly uninterested in spending your time building more sexual connection?

    Is there something else blocking you from creating more sexual connection?  Use this guide to help sort out what's getting in your way.  

    Or call me for a consultation, I'm happy to talk you through it.  

     

    READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    1. Biology

    2. Time Scarcity

    3. Lack of Self-Care

    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    14. Alone Time


    sex counselor sex therapist portland sexuality counseling

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Biology

    poly therapist portland sex therapist | couples counseling for sexuality

    This is part of a series of posts about sex and desire in long-term relationships.  CLICK HERE to read the full series.

    Today I want to point out the first thing I talk with couples about when they bring up desire fatigue as a concern: biology.  

    There are so many easy-to-resolve ways biology can be a part of the desire fatigue it's difficult to list them all, but here are a few examples:

    • Depression medications imbalance can lead to lower libido and emotional numbness- resulting in lower desire.
    • Heart problems can make the cardio workout of sexual activity and the blood flow required for arousal and erection a challenge and sometimes even an impossibility. 
    • Digestive issues can make people feel less sexually-inclined and can negatively impact mental health thus lowering libido.  
    • Pelvic pain is FAR more common than anyone seems to realize, and this kind of pain isn't often the kind folks seek out in pain play- it usually is a desire crusher.
    • Chronic pain can be a barrier to comfort and body-mind connection, and as a result can make the body-mind connection necessary to have sex a real challenge.
    • Fatigue and stress are far too often underestimated in our culture (they impact more of us than we realize) and can make it very difficult to have satisfying sexual connection with ourselves or others.

    This is just a tiny snapshot of ways physical health impacts sexual health.  Before you start thinking "there's just something wrong with me" check with your naturopath, doctor, and acupuncturist.  

    I know most people rarely talk about this aspect of their health when they see a provider- but it is a critical part of your well-being, and they often have possible solutions for you.  

    If you haven't already, check with your medical provider to see if there's not some assistance they can give you to improve sexual function.

    If you're not willing to talk to a medical provider ask yourself why not.  If you aren't sure how they will react you might want to seek out a different provider.  

    If you feel nervous and want to talk through how to have talk with them, check out this tool I created to help guide you through your conversation.  

    Or give me a call, I'm happy to talk you through any challenge.

    As I said, this is just one of many possible shifts you could try to make sustainable change in your sex life.  Read on in the series for more:

    READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    1. Biology

    2. Time Scarcity

    3. Lack of Self-Care

    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    14. Alone Time


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    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.