Lots of us think about trying polyamory, open relationships, or non-monogamy in relationships after successful monogamy- but how do you know if you (and your relationship) is ready for that change?
I've been working with open relationships for years and have identified four key questions to consider to know if polyamory is right for you and your relationship.
Ask yourself the following questions to get clear.
Polyamory Self-Check Questions:
1. What do I really want?
Lots of folks come to me thinking they want nonmonogamy in their relationship because they philosophically agree with the concept- but they have no idea what they want. Spend a little time getting clear about what you might want. Here are some more questions to help:
Who do you want to be involved with?
What do you hope to share with these people?
When or where might you connect with them?
2. What do I have to give?
Open relationships often sound like a lot of fun- you get more affection, sex, and friendship for example- but when considering them we rarely consider the energetic commitment we're making as poly people. Relationships take work, and more relationships means more work.
Do you have the free/flexible time, physical energy and emotional energy (this is a big one) to invest in multiple relationships?
3. How do I (and we) cope when things are really hard?
First experiences in open relationships can bring up lots of unexpected self-learning - often some of the most challenging learning we can face.
If you and/or your partner have a hard time managing emotional reactivity, insecurity, and/or loneliness I highly recommend in learning some self-care and self-soothing practices before attempting non-monogamy.
4. How do we resolve conflict now?
Adding more people to a relationship means more variables and often this means more opportunity for misunderstandings. If you and your sweetheart have a hard time resolving misunderstandings as is adding more partners to the mix will only further complicate things.
Take some time to work on your conflict resolution together before starting an open relationship.
Start your open relationship with confidence. Use these questions to help lay a foundation for successful non-monogamy.
She can help you:
- rediscover passion in long-term relationships
- repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
- move past jealousy, insecurity or codependent patterns
- open your relationship or practice polyamory with care
- resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
- break unhealthy communication patterns in your relationship
Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.