passionless marriage

Why You're Not Having Sex: Make Some Repairs

sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

Desire fatigue (diminishing passion over time) is SUPER common in long-term relationships, but it doesn't have to be.  

I'm using this series to outline the simplest ways to overcome the most common reasons couples stop having sex. CLICK HERE to read the full series.


In this video we'll talk about one of the most common things getting in the way of your sexual connection- repair work.  All too often couples grow distant or have trouble finding the spark because something went wrong and was left unresolved in the past.  Here's what to do about it:

Enter your information below to get access to my full toolkit for Sexual Desire in Relationships.

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  1. READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

  2. Biology

  3. Time Scarcity

  4. Lack of Self-Care

  5. Maintenance Sex 

  6. Lack of Inspiration

  7. Assumption-Making 

  8. Initiation Hesitation 

  9. Lacking Feedback

  10. Poor Consent Practices 

  11. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

  12. Routine Boredom 

  13. Necessary Repairs

  14. Desire Maintenance

  15. Alone Time


open relationship counseling online couples therapy for nonmonogamy

Hi!  Thanks for reading!  

Let me know if I can help you:

  • rekindle the magic and ignite passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond codependency, insecurity and reactive jealousy
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • change unhealthy communication patterns
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor, certified relationship coach, and retired couples therapist specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

She hosts retreats, workshops, and sees clients for consultation online and in Portland, Oregon. 

Why You're Not Having Sex: Desire Maintenance

sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

Desire fatigue (diminishing passion over time) is SUPER common in long-term relationships, but it doesn't have to be.  

I'm using this series to outline the simplest ways to overcome the most common reasons couples stop having sex. CLICK HERE to read the full series.


In this video we'll talk about desire maintenance- how to fuel the desire within you so you can keep it happening between you.  Watch here:

Enter your information below to get access to my full toolkit for Sexual Desire in Relationships.

Name *
Name
 

If you want to talk more about keeping desire alive in your relationship schedule a free call with me.  I'd love to hear from you.

  1. READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

  2. Biology

  3. Time Scarcity

  4. Lack of Self-Care

  5. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

  6. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

  7. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

  8. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

  9. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

  10. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

  11. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

  12. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

  13. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

  14. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

  15. Alone Time


POLYAMORY COUNSELING OPEN RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING ONLINE COUPLES THERAPY

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • break unhealthy communication patterns 
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

Keeping Desire Alive in Long-Term Relationships

keeping desire alive in long-term relationships.jpg

Esther Perel gave a fantastic TED talk earlier this year after completing years of research on desire and fascination in couples.  Her talk and her work focus on key ways to keep the fire alive for couples who stay together a long time.  Two clear themes hold true for couples and for fires.  The are:

Fire Needs Air

If you have ever built a fire you know this is true.  You can't pile on too much kindling and paper, the fire needs to breathe.  This is true in partnership as well.  You need a little room to breathe.

As Perel puts it, one clear response in her research was from people who said "I am most drawn to my partner when she is away, when we are apart, when we reunite."  

Taking time away from your sweetheart is beneficial for many reasons, but in the case of desire it allows room for imagination.  Giving your fire some air affords the opportunity to long for one another.

Be careful not to smother your fire. Give each other space to breathe.

Fire Needs Kindling

You can't a fire without kindling, and without regularly feeding it your fire will eventually die out.  In couples this is probably even more important than giving space.

So how do you feed that fire?  Feed your inner fire.  Each of you has something wonderful and magical within you that originally drew your partner to you.  

Invest in your individual fires or as Perel's said, "When I look at my partner radiant and confident, probably the biggest turn-on across the board."

Find ways to develop your interests and passions and share them with your partner and others.  Toss some kindling on the fire and watch the sparks fly.

Watch the whole Esther Perel TED Talk below.

If you're interested in talking about balancing the kindling and air in your relationship give me a call for a consultation - I'm happy to help you out.   


Gina Senarighi Sex Counselor Portland

Gina Senarighi offers non-judgmental sex-positive, gender-affirming, LGBTQ relationship support online and in the Pacific Northwest. 

She often says, “I love love, in all its forms!”

She’s helped thousands of couples deepen their sexual connection, repair trust, and build sustainable lasting partnerships.

She uses her multi-disciplinary professional training to teach communication skills and help her clients handle conflict with compassion.

Gina has supported many couples experimenting with open relationships based in trust and integrity. If you’re considering polyamory you should check out her online resources here.

Although most of her couples are experimenting with less traditional relationship structures, even her more mainstream clients appreciate her open-minded non-judgmental approach and diverse expertise.

If you’re interested in taking this work further contact her for a free consultation.

Sexual Desire Mismatch in Relationships

sexual desire in relationships | desire mismatch

Mismatched desire might be the most common issue I see in my couples work.   Estimates show nearly a third of all couples have issues with sex drives that are out of sync.  So many couples I see have been working through sex drive mismatch for years.

While this is extremely common most of us worry this means something more is wrong with our relationship.  Often desire mismatch creates a rift in relationships due to the resulting emotions we experience. 

Typically a higher desire partner feels rejected and experiences guilt, shame, resentment, bitterness, and anger.  They might feel inadequate and insecure and these feelings can spill over into many other areas of the relationship- creating distance and conflict.

Frequently the lower desire partner feels extreme pressure (even if not intended by their partner) to increase their desire.  They feel similar emotions (shame, guilt, anxiety, resentment, or bitterness) and often express these by distancing from (their partner and/or sex)- only reinforcing the initial sexual disconnect.

These feelings are enhanced by our media culture’s (often completely misguided) advice columns on how to please your spouse.  Often this advice feels inauthentic and is completely unsustainable.  When couples get stuck trying this ill-informed advice it can lead them to feel even more hopeless and stuck.

When I work with couples with significant disconnect the solution starts from a pretty non-sexual place.  We really need to focus on understanding, acceptance, and connection without focusing completely on sex. 

This is also where my holistic training is especially helpful.  Sexuality is a fluid and changing part of ourselves.  Our sex drive is no different.  It waxes and wanes through our life and throughout the day depending on our stress, physical health, addiction, connection, confidence, self-connection, trust, and conflict (among other factors). 

When we look at these sort of environmental factors impacting our sex lives, often there are structural changes we can make to create a more supportive environment for sexual connection, affection, and sex. 

Once we have a baseline of mutual understanding, acceptance, and connection and an environment that supports healthy sexuality most of the couples I work with start to see shifts in sexual connection between them without a lot of work or effort. 

Even if the frequency of sex doesn’t change my couples describe greater satisfaction with their connection and less pressure, stress, and conflict around sex (and life in general).

If you’d like to get together to talk about sexual desire mismatch in your relationship I’m happy to support you.  Give me a call for a free consultation.  Let’s talk. 

 


Gina Senarighi | Polyamory Counseling | Desire Mismatch

Gina Senarighi offers non-judgmental sex-positive, gender-affirming, LGBTQ relationship support online and in the Pacific Northwest. 

She often says, “I love love, in all its forms!”

She’s helped thousands of couples deepen their sexual connection, repair trust, and build sustainable lasting partnerships.

She uses her multi-disciplinary professional training to teach communication skills and help her clients handle conflict with compassion.

Gina has supported many couples experimenting with open relationships based in trust and integrity. If you’re considering polyamory you should check out her online resources here.

Although most of her couples are experimenting with less traditional relationship structures, even her more mainstream clients appreciate her open-minded non-judgmental approach and diverse expertise.

If you’re interested in taking this work further contact her for a free consultation.