After supporting hundreds of couples opening relationships and maintaining polyamorous relationships in our beautiful weird city, I wanted to share some of the most common considerations that might be specific to Portlandia.
This town has a lot of great resources to nurture non-traditional relationships, from tantra classes, to sex positive meet-ups, to erotic-themed poetry readings, there are a lot of great events in Portland for less-mainstream couples.
3 Considerations for Opening Your Relationship in Portland
Portland is just big enough to host a lot of great events and be home to some really incredible people (over 600,000 of us). And a lot of people say they moved here from other cities because of Portland's weirdly small-town feel.
Portland's in-between size has been such a huge factor for so many of the couples I support. It shows up in three main ways:
The dating pool is smaller
So there are less folks to choose from in the first place- let alone those who really understand nonmonogamy and how it works. There's also less poly, nonmonogamous, and/or swinger community to connect with than say, San Francisco or Seattle merely because Portland is much smaller.
The ex-pool is closer
Right, so if the dating pool is small, the ex-pool is even smaller. It's likely you will cross paths with someone you hooked up with (or your partner did) at some point. Plan accordingly.
You're going to run into people you don't expect
Many of the couples I work with are not out to coworkers, family, or other community about their nontraditional relationship. This is just fine until you're out on a date with your new fling and someone you know from church is in the same restaurant.
It can be really limiting for couples who are not out about their polyamorous life.
Portland is lauded for its liberal values and in many ways our cultural embrace on keeping Portland weird does help nonmonogamous relationships flourish here.
BUT many of the couples I support have seen ways those liberal values are espoused- not necessarily actualized. For example, many of the people of color I work with have experienced real racism at play parties, and genderqueer clients of mine are always concerned about safety due to prior harassment at non-queer events.
Portland is very far ahead of many parts of the country in terms of acceptance and social justice- but there is still progress to be made.
Quality Sex-Positive Spaces
We are lucky to have many sex-positive formal and informal events in Portland, it's true, but many of them have been very hard to find for my clients. The events might be private, difficult to access, or unclear in their boundaries.
For example, I had clients report back to me after attending a sex-positive event in Portland that no one explained the house rules to them, they were gendered, and they witnessed many non-consensual acts between adults while attending the party.
The in-between size of Portland means less space- and I would argue, less quality space for couples seeking sex-positive community.
It's not impossible to nourish an open relationship in Portland, but there are important considerations that make our weird and wonderful city unique for folks embracing a non-traditional relationship format.
Think about what you might need to overcome these in your own Portland partnership.
If you want support overcoming these challenges give me a call for a consultation. I'm happy to help you nurture your relationship (monogamous or otherwise).
She can help you:
- rediscover passion in long-term relationships
- repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
- move past jealousy, insecurity or codependent patterns
- open your relationship or practice polyamory with care
- resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
- break unhealthy communication patterns in your relationship
Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.