make poly relationship work

Benefits of Polyamory

Benefits of Polyamory | Uncommon Love Open Relationship Counseling in Portland

Nearly every couple I work with wants to know the pros and cons of choosing an open relationship.  You can read these previous posts to learn more about the benefits and reasons people choose polyamory or nonmonogamy.  

Today I want to share a list of the benefits to choosing an open relationship.

 

Common Benefits of Nonmonogamy

I don't feel confined

Plenty of people choose nonmonogamy to experience more freedom or autonomy in relationships- and open relationships can certainly provide freedoms.  

Successful nonmonogamous couples are able to acknowledge attraction to people outside the relationship without creating turmoil- even if that attraction is never acted upon.  That simple freedom releases a lot of tension for many couples (even monogamous ones).

Monogamy didn't work in the past

So many of my couples tell me they came to the decision to try polyamory because their past relationships involved cheating and they want to create more open communication moving forward.  

Even couples who haven't experienced infidelity often tell me they simply don't believe (philosophically or politically) in the traditional monogamous paradigm.  They want to break free from that model.

I get diverse sexual experience

One benefit to nonmonogamy can be sex with more people.  More people means diverse and different experiences.  You get to explore more with more people.

I get diverse romantic and emotional experience

Often overlooked, another great benefit to nonmonogamy is the diversity of emotional connections and kinds of relationships possible.  More people means diverse and different experiences.  You get to explore more with more people- emotionally.

I don't feel pressure to meet all my partners' needs

While polyamorous couples certainly care about their partners' needs, they can let go of the pressure to meet all of them (ie. "you complete me").  

Increased personal growth/self-awareness

If you want to work on your shit (jealousy, attachment, abandonment, codependence, insecurity, judgment...), polyamory is certainly a fast-track to personal development.  I'm not suggesting polyamorous people are highly enlightened and have worked everything out, but to be successful you have to commit to some self-work.  And if self-work is your interest this can be a major benefit to nonmonogamy.  

 

 

If you want support as you open your relationship give me a call for a consultation.  I'm happy to help you nurture your relationship (monogamous or otherwise).


Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sex educator and relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationshipsjealousy, LGBTQ issues and infidelity.  

She can help you:

Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.

Click here to download her free guides to strengthen your relationship (monogamous or not).

 

Tips for Navigating Open Relationships

Navigating Open Relationships

There are many aspects of being in a non-monogamous, poly, or open relationship that are similar to those of a monogamous relationship.  There are also some notable differences.  I’m going to cover a couple of the unique challenges to give an example of how some relationships cope.

Explore Language

When your relationships fall outside of the mainstream vision of what they can look like it is important to think carefully about the words you use for yourself and others when you talk about your relationships.  This means being able to name and describe your relationships.  You can use the terms that are in general circulation or make up your own!  Arrive at an agreement with your partners that works for everyone.  It doesn’t need to be permanent or perfect, just take the time to learn the way to talk about your relationships that feels meaningful and congruent.