What keeps couples together long-term?
It is not uncommon to go through phases of connection and disconnection in relationship. But some of us stay together, and others break up.
Some of the best training I have received to understand couples is studying the work of John Gottman. Gottman is based in Seattle and set out to see if you could measure relationship strength based on behaviors.
Strong couples do things differently
Over time it became clear- strong couples do things differently. In the video below John Gottman himself outlines one thing you can do today to improve your relationship.
There are a lot of things you can do to improve your relationship, but if you really want just one step, getting curious about getting to know your loved one is a great place to start.
When we think of the beginning romance phase of a relationship (when most of us are the most excited about our partners) we are often really invested in forming what Gottman calls a Love Map. We do this by interviewing them and being fascinated by their answers.
"You love broccoli?!? I love broccoli too!!!" We are meant to be together.
Over time we stop interviewing. We assume old answers still hold true.
But the truth is, we all change in time and most of our answers do too. When we stop asking we stop seeing our partner as a growing being. We miss out on opportunities to get to know them more fully.
I created a few tools I use all the time with the clients I support specifically to address this issue. You can use them totally free in your own relationship _ I'm confident they'll help!
Add your email to get my regular messages and challenges to keep you connected with fascination, curiosity, and desire long-term.
Hi! I'm glad you're reading. Let me know if I can help you:
- reconnect with passion in your long-term relationship
- repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
- move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity
- resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
- change unhealthy communication and codependent patterns
- open your relationship and practice polyamory with care
Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.