desire fatigue

What Couples Who Still Have Great Sex Do Differently

sex after marriage | passion long-term relationships | desire fatigue

Yes, it's totally common to have desire fatigue set in when you've been together a long time. The more comfortable you get (which is a good thing) the more energy you need to put into keeping the passion alive.  

But where do you direct that energy? How do you actually shift things back in the direction of desire?

Couples who keep things sex long-term have a few key things to teach us. Overall there are five ways they focus energy in their sex lives that keeps the momentum flowing.  

Reminiscing

Couples who report long-term sexual satisfaction do one thing a lot of others miss. They share fond memories of previous sexual encounters with each other. That might sound like any of these:

  • "The way you kissed me last night was really hot."
  • "Remember the time we did it on the beach at your parent's condo? I'd love to re-live something sneaky like that again."
  • "I was just thinking about the first time you spanked me and it made me smile."

Reminiscing isn't the same as giving feedback or making requests. It's simply sharing fond memories of things that worked well for you.  It's food for thought.

    Highlights Reel

    Couples who still love making love often have a solid practice of sharing what I call a highlights reel after sexual contact. Shortly after they finish they share a few specific highlights that worked well for them.  

    These might include:

    • "Oh my god it was so hot when you pulled my hair."
    • "I couldn't tell what you were doing with your fingers this time... but something about the beat and the circles you were using really worked for me."
    • "I loved watching your face when you climaxed tonight. It's such an incredible turn on to know you're so comfortable with me."

    In addition to giving positive feedback to your partner, this helps them more confidently build a repertoire of acts to draw from in the future. If you clearly let them know a few favorites you there's less to be confused about.

    Play by Play

    Relationships with long-lasting passion talk more during sex than others. Period.

    Let go of the fantasy your partner can/should/will read your mind and intuit your desires. That just will not last the test of time as your bodies and desires grow and change. 

    This doesn't necessarily mean dirty talk or roleplay (though you can incorporate those) but it does mean positive feedback and positive re-directs in the heat of the moment. Even if you can only manage a few words, try talking during the act. Here are a couple phrases to try:

    • "Yes!  Keep going."
    • "Don't stop what you're doing with your mouth!"
    • "More pressure. Just like that!!"

    Not only are you giving feedback but this is a way of building your consent practices to make sure you're on the same page about what you're doing and what you want to do. The converse of this is to ask more often during sex:

    • "How is this position for you?"
    • "Do you want more of my hand inside you?"
    • "Can I go faster?"

    Getting clear on what's working and what you both want helps you stay on the same page.

    Shared Fantasy

    Finally, couples who report a satisfying long-term sexual connection share fantasies openly. This means they're both brave enough to be vulnerable and share their desires, AND their partner is compassionate and empathetic when hearing them. 

    Again, these are not requests, but ideas.  They might sound like this:

    • "I've always had this idea that dressing up in matching tuxedos and going commando would be really hot."
    • "Sometimes I daydream about eating chocolate off your body."
    • "I think you'd look hot tied to the bed."
    • "I don't know if I ever want to try this, but I have secretly loved gay porn so long, I sometimes imagine you with other men."

    These are not requests. Only statements about what is and might be hot. It's really important for the receiving partner not to fee pressure in the moment to figure out how to (or if) they could fulfill these desires. Only to honor them in the moment.  

    It's also really important these desires are received without judgment or laughter.  There's nothing wrong with having fantasies (in fact, they're very healthy).  Being able to share them openly with a partner increases trust and often desire between you.  Here are some options for responses:

    • "Wow.  I can tell you're super into that."
    • "I'm so glad you told me. Let's talk more about it after I have time to do a little research."
    • "Ooooh.  Let me think about how I could make something like that work for us."

    Maybe there's some part of these fantasies you'd be into.  SIt with them, honor them and be careful not to yuck your partner's yums.  Sharing openly is far more important than ever acting on all of the fantasies you hold.

    How to make these first four tips work for you:

    • keep it specific - "that time in Chicago was nice" gives a lot less information than "The time in Chicago was so hot because you came first."

    • keep it positive - focus on any little thing you liked or found hot

    Why they work so well:

    • you're practicing getting vulnerable with each other by sharing these intimate details

    • you're giving feedback about what works so you can possibly replicate at another time

    • you're fueling sexual chemistry by focusing on what works for you

    • you're improving both your sexual confidence by identifying strengths

    Finally: Investing in Personal Passion 

    Most long-term couples desire wanes because they stop investing in their personal passions, friendships, creative pursuits, and desires. Over time these fall away as we focus on building our shared life, home, and family with someone. 

    But when these are out of balance it is really difficult to feel sexy.  Think about when and where you feel confident and/or sexy.  Make a list of the factors that contribute to those sexy times.  Then commit with your partner to investing in those confdent and sexy individual pursuits. 

    Here's an example from one of my clients (offered with permission):

    Her: "I feel most confident when I'm on the dance floor with my girlfriends.  I like getting dressed up, having a fancy cocktail and getting swung around to salsa music. I love the confidence of proud lead dancers, the feeling of the beat, and the change of pace when I put that kind of energy into looking good.  I usually wear my good underwear, a cute dress, I do my hair... I don't do any of those things on a regular basis!"

    Him: "I feel most confident when I've been running regularly.  Like I feel better at work, at home- everywhere if I've gotten a few miles in each day.  I notice my head is held higher and I'm in a better mood. I'm not sure it's 'sexy' but I feel like I get more done and feel better so getting laid is a higher priority when I work out. I also feel really confident at work.  I like being in charge and feel great because I'm usually the only one in the room who knows my specialty.  I am kind of an expert on [this thing] and people come to me for advice."

    Think about the situations and factors that fuel your more passionate self and find a way to build those situations into your life on a more regular basis.  


    passion after marriage | sex coach portland relationship coach

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
    • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
    • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
    • resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
    • change communication & codependent patterns
    • open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity

    I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland, OR).

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Couples Who Learn Together Stay Together

    sex therapist open relationships therapist couples counseling for sexual difference desire and passion in marriage

    Relationships with room for learning and growth are more fulfilling over time.  

    The couples I see stay together keep learning alive in three key ways:

    Couples Who Learn on Their Own

    Staying connected to your own passions and interests is critical to the long-term success of your relationship.  Of course it's easy to set aside your independence early in a relationship when you're caught up in new relationship energy- but to stay together long-term each of your individual wellness needs to be fostered. 

    Get out and try something new, get creative, read a book- just for you.  It can significantly improve the health of your connection.  

    Couples Who Learn Together

    One of the great parts of starting a new relationship is all the excitement that comes from learning together.  Every date with a new person is about discovery and exploration.  And that newness is intoxicating. 

    Over time we stop discovering together- and that is some of why passion and excitement can wane.  Commit to learning together to keep discovery and fascination alive.  

    Challenge yourself:

    Many of my couples make a bucket list of things they want to learn - together and independently- from wine tasting, to tango, pottery to poker, they create a long list of possibilities to draw from.  Once the list is created (without editing) you can decide together which you want to commit to trying out now.

    Try something new together this weekend, learn together and watch your love grow. 


    couples therapy online couples counseling

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • reconnect with passion in your long-term relationship
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • change unhealthy communication and codependent patterns
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Alone Time

    sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

    This is part of a series of posts about sex and desire in long-term relationships.  CLICK HERE to read the full series.


    It might seem counter-intuitive, but alone time is essential to maintaining desire in long-term relationships.  

    But I don't mean just spending time alone, scrolling social media, or on a netflix binge.  The kind of alone time that fuels desire is all about you spending quality time with yourself, and when it's out of balance, sexual desire starts to drop fast.  

    A-Sexual Passion & Exploration

    This is far more important than most people ever give credit, but most of us table our personal passions for the grind of daily life to the detriment of our passionate selves.  

    Think about it, when was the last time you devoted your full presence for an hour to something you truly love doing?  When was the last time you found flow?  When was the last time you dove into something and learned something interesting or new?

    If you can't remember, or if it was a long time ago, you're going to want to devote some energy back in the realm of your personal passions.  Clear an hour this week to learn something new, try a different adventure, or return to a creative craft you've long retired.  

    If you can't even imagine which passions you might consider, devote your hour to starting a personal bucket list now.  Make a list of anything you might want to try, and leave room that trying new things might open doors to passions- or at least will get you out having fun.  

    And if you're in a partnership have a conversation about how you can support one another in cultivating personal passion.  For many folks having someone else maintain household responsibilities, or provide childcare while you adventure is vital to finding time for this practice.

    Here are some examples of the personal passion adventures some of my clients have chosen:

    • intuitive dance
    • researching buddhism
    • collage
    • volunteering at the art museum
    • silent dance party
    • Thai cooking class
    • knitting
    • landscape design
    • cheesemaking
    • tarot readings
    • corset making
    • furniture design

    The passion you choose to explore may not seem "sexy" per se, but you might be surprised how much committing energy to a-sexual passions can ignite the confidence, fascination, and arousal you're craving.

    Enter your email below and I'll send you a handy guide to create your passion bucket list.

     

    Self-Love 

    The other area for quality solo time and passionate self-exploration is practicing literal self-love.  

    Answer honestly: when was the last time you masturbated?  Many folks in long-term relationships fall out of practice with self-love (many more still never had a practice in the first place).

    But because every human body is unique and we are growing and changing all the time, staying connected to your own body's desires, arousal patterns, likes and dislikes is so very important to communicating well about sex with a partner.  

    Allow yourself space and time in the week to explore your body, try new toys, fantasies, and sensations along the way to help you stay connected to your sexual body's needs and desires.  Remember, there's no right or wrong way to masturbate, just trust your body and follow it's lead.  

    Anytime you want help talking through all this, I'm here to help.  Just set up a consultation so we can chat!

    READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    1. Biology

    2. Time Scarcity

    3. Lack of Self-Care

    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    14. Alone Time


    sex therapist polyamory counselor online sex therapy

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Sex Negativity

    sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

    This is part of a series of posts about sex and desire in long-term relationships.  CLICK HERE to read the full series.

    Sex negativity gets in the way somewhere along the line in almost every long-term couple I see.  Sex-negativity is the opposite of sex-positivity, meaning at it's core sex-negativity is about passing judgment that some sexual activities are good, normal, healthy, or right, while others are bad, perverted, or wrong.  

    It's not uncommon for sex-negativity to come from people who actually seem to enjoy sex or want it more often.  But the judgment comes across and shuts down opportunities to sexually connect - even in the most vanilla ways. 

    And because judgment is both about your thoughts AND the way they're perceived by your partner it can create problems in surprising ways. 

    How sex negativity shows up

    Here are a couple examples:

    Partner A: "You know what I think might be hot to try sometime?"

    Partner B: "No, what?  Tell me."

    Partner A: "I think it would be fun to maybe try ___(insert sex act here)___ sometime.  If you're into it."

    Partner B:  If you answer any form of "yuck" or "that's weird" or "gross" or "never in your freaking life, I can't believe you would ever even ask me." You're giving a sex negative response.  

    And if your partner perceives that as your response, the impact still is shaming- even if that wasn't the intention.  You might just say "that's not for me." but your tone could still sound condemning.  

    Often sex-negativity shows up in the giggles or smiles we give when we're uncomfortable talking about sex.  They might not be about the content of our partner's fantasy at all but about our own difficulty communicating.  The impact still is the same.

    Not just for kinky sex

    Sex-negativity isn't necessarily about kinky sex either.  Most often it shows up in couples practicing the most vanilla (average or mainstream) sex.  It might be one partner asking to have afternoon sex, or someone wanting to try it in the shower, or try anal sex, or watching porn together.  

    Judgment isn't sexy

    Unless you're into certain kinds of power play (humiliation, or brat play or a few others) judgment from your partner just isn't sexy. In most sexy situations, even unintended (but perceived) judgment will kill the mood.

    But most of us don't realize when we're passing sex-negative judgment so we might keep doing it for a long time without realizing the damage we're doing to our sexual relationship.  I'm going to outline the four main forums for sex-negativity here for you to be aware.

    Fantasies and desire

    Couples with thriving sexual lives share fantasies far more often.  But if judgment is present it's unlikely you'll talk about what you want, dream, of or get curious about sex out in the open. 

    And if there's no room to dream- there's going to be even less room to try it.  Even if you never act on shared fantasies or desires, talking about them without judgment is essential to fostering healthy sexual connection.

    Saying no and setting boundaries

    Okay, so what if you really don't want to do the thing your partner brings up?  What if your partner brings up something that really offends you or makes you totally uncomfortable?

    It's always okay to say no to sex or sexual activities that you're not into.  That fact doesn't change here.  But the way you say no matters.  And you can say no without passing judgment.

    Here's an example:

    Partner A: "I think it would be fun to maybe try ___(insert totally unusual I'm really uncomfortable with sex act here)___ sometime.  If you're into it."

    Partner B: "Wow that sounds really hot for you.  I need time to think about that before trying it." OR

    Partner B: "I am so glad you told me.  I need to learn a lot before I would feel ready to try that with you.  How can we learn more together?"  OR

    Partner B: "I can see you are really excited about that.  I love when you tell me what you're thinking.  I think it's not for me right now, but let's figure out ways to get your needs met."

    You can say no without judgment if you use care in your response. 

    Offering feedback

    Similar to saying no, sometimes you're not into the same thing your partner is- or you might not be into it all the time.  Most of the time you might just say "I don't like the way you ___(insert action here)___." without thinking about the impact.

    But if you think about it, the feedback you give is likely perceived with judgment.  Even if that's not your intention.

    Just saying what you don't like shuts down the energetic connection between you when talking about sex.  Instead, try focusing on what you're interested in, what you like, and what you're curious about.  "I'm not as into ______ but I would love to try ______." is going to take you further.

    Other people's business

    FinallyOne last place where sex-negative judgment can seep into your relationship isn't directly related to your sex life- but can have a huge impact there.  

    Think about the way you pass judgment on other people's sex acts in conversation.  Maybe you watch Fifty Shades, or you hear a Savage Love Podcast and someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable.  Do you snicker?  Do you turn to your partner and say something like "that's crazy"?

    Imagine then if your partner has always been secretly curious about that same action.  By judging others you've shut down the possible conversation you and your partner might have about desire. Even if you would never try whatever the action is, talking about it brings you closer and judgment can make it really difficult to talk about anything.

    Judgment can be really difficult to let go.  If you want help, give me a call, I'm happy to talk.  

    READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    1. Biology

    2. Time Scarcity

    3. Lack of Self-Care

    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    14. Alone Time

     


    SEX COUNSELOR PORTLAND POLYAMORY COUNSELING ONLINE COUPLES THERAPY

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

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    1. Biology - See a Doctor
    2. Time Scarcity - Prioritize Sexual Connection
    3. Lack of Self-Care - Tune It Up
    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation
    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe
    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore
    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back
    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel
    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During 
    10. Sex-Negativity - Don't Yuck Anyone's Yum
    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration
    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility
    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness
    14. Alone Time - Masturbate and Fantasize

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Time Scarcity

    poly therapist portland sex therapist | couples counseling for sexuality

    This is part of a series of posts about sex and desire in long-term relationships.  CLICK HERE to read the full series.

    Today I want to talk about one of the simplest ways to increase the sexual connection between you: clearing up time scarcity.  

    Time scarcity is usually something we talk about at work.  You miss a deadline and find yourself procrastinating yet you always find yourself running out of time to really get things done. You just never can find the time to do the thing that's most important.  

    Apply that theory at home and you'll hear one of the most common factors facing busy couples in their sex life.  Between laundry, errands, hobbies, friends, and work there's just no good time for sex.   

    Time scarcity breeds sadness at lost opportunities.  It also fuels comparison and shame when we look at others who somehow have time to do the things we wish we were doing.

    There are three key ways to shift the time scarcity mindset.  Try applying these in your own life:

    1.  Check your beliefs

    Most of the time this time scarcity is all in your head.  Reality-check your thoughts here.  Is it really completely true there 's no time for sex?  How long does sex usually take you and your partner?   

    For most couples it takes 5-20 minutes to have satisfying sex- are you really sure there are no 20-minute sessions you can free up in the week?

    2.  Shift to appreciation and gratitude

    Sometimes when we're stuck in a mindset of lacking we completely miss the opportunities all around us.  We're so focused on what's not happening and our resulting disappointment, we miss all the space where it could happen.

    Try spending a week shifting your mindset.  Every time sexual time-scarcity crosses your mind shift to appreciation for the times you do have affection, connection, understanding, and attraction between you.  Start noticing the opportunities that are already there in order to enhance them.

    3.  Reprioritize your schedule

    Most people have peak possibility times each week, in session we call these optimal arousal zones.  These are times and settings where we're more likely to be open to having sex.  

    It's not unusual for you and your partner's arousal timelines not to be in sync.  Often one of you prefers mornings and another might prefer mid-afternoon.  One of you might realize you're most easily aroused when on a dance floor and another might be best in the mood after a sleep-in morning.

    It's also not uncommon to have the daily routines and responsibilities of life interrupt your sexual peak schedule.  If you're a mid-afternoon person and you work a 9-5 job, it can be hard to find a time to connect with your partner that aligns with your arousal zone.

    So what should you do?

    First, talk to your partner.  Even if you think you already know when they're most likely in the mood, start a conversation and see what you can learn about the optimal time and setting for their arousal.  

    Then look at your schedules and make a plan.  You might not want to plan for sex entirely, but plan to spend some quality time on a regular basis connecting with each other in the time and settings you've shared as optimal arousal zones.  See what you might learn if you actually set aside time for fully present connection in these windows.

    Self-Check

    If you're not willing to create time, shift your thought patterns, or reality-check your assumptions ask yourself why.   

    How does keeping things as they are serve you?  

    How could your partner support you in moving forward?

    Or are you truly uninterested in spending your time building more sexual connection?

    Is there something else blocking you from creating more sexual connection?  Use this guide to help sort out what's getting in your way.  

    Or call me for a consultation, I'm happy to talk you through it.  

     

    READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    1. Biology

    2. Time Scarcity

    3. Lack of Self-Care

    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    14. Alone Time


    sex counselor sex therapist portland sexuality counseling

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

    Why You're Not Having Sex: Biology

    poly therapist portland sex therapist | couples counseling for sexuality

    This is part of a series of posts about sex and desire in long-term relationships.  CLICK HERE to read the full series.

    Today I want to point out the first thing I talk with couples about when they bring up desire fatigue as a concern: biology.  

    There are so many easy-to-resolve ways biology can be a part of the desire fatigue it's difficult to list them all, but here are a few examples:

    • Depression medications imbalance can lead to lower libido and emotional numbness- resulting in lower desire.
    • Heart problems can make the cardio workout of sexual activity and the blood flow required for arousal and erection a challenge and sometimes even an impossibility. 
    • Digestive issues can make people feel less sexually-inclined and can negatively impact mental health thus lowering libido.  
    • Pelvic pain is FAR more common than anyone seems to realize, and this kind of pain isn't often the kind folks seek out in pain play- it usually is a desire crusher.
    • Chronic pain can be a barrier to comfort and body-mind connection, and as a result can make the body-mind connection necessary to have sex a real challenge.
    • Fatigue and stress are far too often underestimated in our culture (they impact more of us than we realize) and can make it very difficult to have satisfying sexual connection with ourselves or others.

    This is just a tiny snapshot of ways physical health impacts sexual health.  Before you start thinking "there's just something wrong with me" check with your naturopath, doctor, and acupuncturist.  

    I know most people rarely talk about this aspect of their health when they see a provider- but it is a critical part of your well-being, and they often have possible solutions for you.  

    If you haven't already, check with your medical provider to see if there's not some assistance they can give you to improve sexual function.

    If you're not willing to talk to a medical provider ask yourself why not.  If you aren't sure how they will react you might want to seek out a different provider.  

    If you feel nervous and want to talk through how to have talk with them, check out this tool I created to help guide you through your conversation.  

    Or give me a call, I'm happy to talk you through any challenge.

    As I said, this is just one of many possible shifts you could try to make sustainable change in your sex life.  Read on in the series for more:

    READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

    1. Biology

    2. Time Scarcity

    3. Lack of Self-Care

    4. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

    5. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

    6. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

    7. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

    8. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

    9. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

    10. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

    11. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

    12. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

    13. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

    14. Alone Time


    portland sex therapy, sex therapist portland oregon couples counseling polyamory

    Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

    • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
    • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
    • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
    • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
    • break unhealthy communication patterns 
    • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

    Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

     

    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.