Dear ones, I shot you a quick video about compersion because, well, it comes up a LOT in sessions about open relationships. And honeys, a lot of you are way too hard on yourself about not feeling all compersion-y when you start out in non-monogamy.
Yes, compersion (feeling joy for another's joy or love when seeing your partner experience another love) is a beautiful thing. It can feel really wonderful to share. But it is extremely uncommon in beginning open relationships.
Many people go YEARS without really experiencing compersion in a polyamorous context.
It's not impossible, but what I know to be true is for most folks their internal pressure to "get over it" when experiencing (totally normal) jealousy, insecurity, and anxiety and pressuring themselves to feel compersion instead only makes it harder to get there.
Ease up dear ones. Give yourself a little compassion and patience. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Practice self care. And please, recalibrate your goals from compersion to simply managing reactivity, finding peace, acceptance, ease, or comfort in non-monogamy. You can always bring yourself around to compersiontown later.
Be well, Gina
Hi! I'm glad you're reading. Let me know if I can help you:
- reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
- rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
- move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity
- manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
- resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
- change communication & codependent patterns
- open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity
I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland, OR).
Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.