Lots of people struggle with trust issues. LOTS. It's not just you.
And yet, because trust issues come between us and the intimacy we long for- they can leave us feeling incredibly isolated.
Are trust issues standing between you and the relationship you want?
Look, lots of great people struggle with trust issues- you are not alone.
Most of us don't have great role models in trust building, plenty of folks have past trauma (broken trust) and when we finally meet a great partner it's hard to know where to look to learn about trust.
And yet, deep trust is the cornerstone of a successful lasting connected relationship. Without it we falter.
I've been studying trust in relationships for nearly twenty years and love teaching couples the essential ingredients of trust. Together we'll uncover the stories from the past that are holding you back and the actions to take to release them.
Let me walk you through a tutorial in trust.
WHAT I DON'T DO
- Sit and nod - instead, we'll take action (I've been described as "direct and not-coddling")
- Add shame or judgment to your experience (there's already too much of that in the world)
- Assume your experience is the same as anyone else's
- Pathologize you (I don't treat mental illness, so you won't receive a diagnosis, assessment or treatment for mental health conditions or substance use)
- Support couples who are actively violent with one another- your safety needs to come first, then our work together can begin
WHAT I DO
- Bring a decade of experience helping folks repair and rebuild trust to your service
- Support you in overcoming a history of broken trust
- Help you listen and communicate effectively to get out of repetitive arguments
- Identify ways to manage really intense emotions
- Use a strengths-based approach to help you grow in a positive direction
- Develop an individualized plan to change the relationship patterns that brought you here
- Keep momentum and hope alive - even if it's hard for you to feel hopeful
I highly recommend watching this talk by Brene Brown on the requirements for trust in relationships.
Will I ever get over this?
Look, it's totally normal (and sometimes even very healthy) to be careful when we begin trusting others. But odds are you're coming to me because you want to see a shift- and shift we will.
Let me walk you and your partner through some exercises and give you some tools to repair and build trust between you.
Why am I like this?
There are lots of reasons people have difficulty trusting. Maybe you have a history of broken trust in this relationship or in the past. Maybe you had poor trustworthiness modeled for you at a young age. Maybe you've survived trauma and being careful and discerning is an important coping mechanism for you.
Yes, the reason is important. But what's more important is how you want to trust and how we'll get there. Accepting that trust is difficult right now (no matter the reason) is part of moving forward.
I'm can help you repair trust no matter what you've been through.
Set up a free consultation to see if we're a good match to work together.
I've been blogging about relationships for a long time. Read more of what I've written here.
I also often refer to these two books when working to build trust in relationships. Click the book's image to order your own copy.
Read something great? I'm always looking for suggestions. Send your book recommendations to firstname.lastname@example.org.