Sex-Positive Relationships

 

Being a sex-positive and kink-knowledgable provider is important to me.  There are very few practitioners with training and experience to help clients with unique sexual desires.

To me, being kink-knowledgable means I have training and education in human sexuality that includes kink, fetish, power exchange, BDSM, and other less traditional lifestyles and relationship styles.  

Being a sex-positive provider means I don't have judgment about your sexuality no matter what your fantasy and I will support your exploration as long as it is based in consent.  

 

I've supported clients who express many diverse interests including:

  • couples who met by arrangement
  • sex workers who began dating clients
  • threesomes
  • swingers
  • exhibitionists
  • pony play
  • furries
  • puppy play
  • leather community
  • daddies
  • age play
  • diaper play
  • doms and subs
  • 24/7 play
  • impact play
  • porn stars
  • voyeurs
  • role play
  • bondage
  • masochism
  • tops and bottoms
  • sensation play
  • and so many more interests than I can list here...
 

I'm listed among respected colleagues on both the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom Kink Aware Providers List and the Open List of Poly-Aware Professionals.

sex counselor | sex positive counselor
polyamory counselor | poly counselor
 
Sex Positive Therapist Portland | Uncommon Love Nonmonogamy Counseling, LGBT Affirming Therapy, and Sex-Positive Therapist in Portland, Oregon

Sex-Positive Definition:

"The sex-positive movement is a social movement which promotes and embraces sexuality with few limits beyond an emphasis on safe sex and the importance of consent. Sex positivity is "an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation.

The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign." The movement generally makes no moral distinctions among types of sexual activities, regarding these choices as matters of personal preference."  

- Definition from Wikipedia

 

Kink-Aware Provider Definition:

"[Providers who] have specific knowledge of kink concepts and lifestyles, have researched and educated themselves in these areas. May have some previous experience providing professional services to individuals with these interests."

Definition from the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom

 

WHAT I DO

  • Use a sex-positive framework and vast knowledge of healthy sexuality to support your relationship
  • Create a plan (with you) to change the way you do relationships
  • Help you listen and communicate effectively
  • Focus on and enhance your strengths
  • Find possibility where you feel really stuck
  • Create a judgment-free space for you to identify your needs clearly
  • Listen and empathize with what's really going on for you
  • Keep momentum and hope alive - even when it's hard for you to do so

WHAT I DON'T DO

  • Deem your kink, fetish, desire or fantasy wrong, abnormal, or unhealthy (so long as you only enact fantasies with consenting adults or on your own)
  • Treat mental illness, so you won't receive a diagnosis, assessment or treatment for mental health conditions
  • Add shame or judgment to your experience (there's already too much of that in the world)
  • Treat substance abuse issues, but I can refer you to several great folks who do
  • Support couples who are actively violent with one another- your safety needs to come first, then our work together can begin


Questions from clients new to kink or sex-positive community:

What is a sex-positive provider?

One of the best questions I get from new clients is about my listing as a sex-positive professional, or a kink-aware provider.  

Not all my clients engage in sex-positive community, but for some of my clients it is especially important to know I have eight years of expertise in working with clients from BDSM, fetish, and other kink scenes.  

This is important because there are a lot of well-intended professionals who will tell you they are sex-positive, but just having a sex-positive philosophy isn't enough- if you work with me you have someone with the philosophy, the skills, and the knowledge.

What if we're new to BDSM, kink, and/or don't know where to begin?

I work with a lot of clients who are just beginning to get creative and explore their sexuality.  Some of them just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and others have held secret fantasies for years and are just now opening up to their partner.  

I'll meet with you to help you determine an integrity-based path that supports your physical and emotional health as well as your desires.

What if only one of us is kinky?

Many couples choose to work with me when one partner is interested in kink and the other is not.  Let me help you figure out a path that is right for both of you.  

It can be helpful to work with a knowledgeable and non-judgmental professional to discuss and negotiate new sexual territory.

Do you work with sex-workers?

Yup.  If you want to know more about how I can support you in maintaining your work/life balance schedule a consultation so we can chat.

Are you kinky?

I think most people have some creative desires but I won't share my specific desires or sexual activities with you because the focus of our work is on you- not me.

Do you work with vanilla couples too?

Absolutely!  Even clients who follow more mainstream or traditional sexual and sensual practices often find comfort knowing this is a specialty of mine.  

These clients love working with me because I apply the same open non-judgmental approach to my work with all couples- no matter how kinky.  

How is coaching different from counseling?

You’ve tried therapy and stuck to it… but it’s time to apply the skills learne. Counseling is important reflective healing work, but my clients come to me hoping to take action for change.  That's where coaching comes in.

Counseling (the "assessment and treatment of mental health disorders") is about asking why something is happening.  Coaching doesn't assess or treat these disorders- my clients are healthy.  Instead we ask what you want to do differently.  How do you want to change? 

 

Schedule a consultation with me to see how I can help your relationship grow.