When to Check-In With Your Partner About Your New Crush

open relationship advice | open marriage advice | polyamory advice 

Often the biggest issues couples who are opening their relationships go through aren't about experiences with other people but are about the decision-making misunderstandings they share with each other in the process.  

Most folks agree they'll "check in" with each other along the way but when I ask "How will you know when to check in?" they're rarely on the same page.  I'm offering a few common check-in indicators my clients use below to help you discuss your own expectations about when you'll check in.

  • Meeting someone I feel attracted to.
  • When I notice myself withholding information about a crush.
  • If I share my contact information with someone.
  • If someone reaches out to me online.
  • If I create an online dating or hook-up app profile.
  • If I tell someone cute we're in an open relationship.
  • When I notice myself becoming attracted to a friend or colleague.
  • If I notice myself fantasizing about someone else.
  • If someone asks me out.
  • When I start thinking about making plans with another person who I am attracted to,
  • Before I follow through on tentative plans I make with someone.
  • Before I leave for a date.
  • Before I engage in any physical sexual contact with someone.
  • When I start thinking about spending time alone with someone I am intrigued by.
  • If I dance with someone I think is hot.
  • When I get clear about the boundaries of my BDSM play needs.
  • When I want to negotiate a scene with someone new.
  • When I get my new partners STI test results. 
  • When I get STI tested.
  • If someone I'm crushing on somehow falls outside or near the boundaries we've already discussed.
  • If I want to change the agreements we've set up.
  • If I notice the agreements we've set up don't work for me anymore.
  • When I know I want to get naked with someone I'm attracted to.
  • If I'm not coming home that night.

As you can see there are lots of options.  Many couples I work with use a combination of a few of these.  I wanted to share them with you as you start thinking about your own process to help you get clear about what might work for you.  

If you'd like help talking through your open relationship agreements I'm always happy to chat.  Give me a call.


polyamory coach | open relationship counseling | open marriage help

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
  • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
  • resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
  • change communication & codependent patterns
  • open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity

I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland, OR).

Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.