Compersion is a Lofty Goal

compersion in polyamory | open relationships and compersion

Dear ones, I shot you a quick video about compersion because, well, it comes up a LOT in sessions about open relationships.  And honeys, a lot of you are way too hard on yourself about not feeling all compersion-y when you start out in non-monogamy.  

Yes, compersion (feeling joy for another's joy or love when seeing your partner experience another love) is a beautiful thing.  It can feel really wonderful to share.  But it is extremely uncommon in beginning open relationships.  

Many people go YEARS without really experiencing compersion in a polyamorous context.

It's not impossible, but what I know to be true is for most folks their internal pressure to "get over it" when experiencing (totally normal) jealousy, insecurity, and anxiety and pressuring themselves to feel compersion instead only makes it harder to get there.  

Ease up dear ones.  Give yourself a little compassion and patience.  Allow yourself to feel your feelings.  Practice self care.  And please, recalibrate your goals from compersion to simply managing reactivity, finding peace, acceptance, ease, or comfort in non-monogamy.  You can always bring yourself around to compersiontown later.   

Be well, Gina


open relationship help | polyamory advice | compersion

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
  • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
  • resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
  • change communication & codependent patterns
  • open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity

I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland, OR).

Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

ASK ME ANYTHING: IS IT TOO SOON TO OPEN OUR RELATIONSHIP?

Ask me anything is a relationship advice column written by Gina Senarighi, a retired couples therapist turned couples retreat leader who offers online support for non-traditional relationships of all sorts.  

Submit your Ask Me Anything question right here.  Or Read more Ask Me Anything here.

 

This week's question: Do we need to be together longer before we open our relationship?

Here's the full question: I feel excited and terrified at the thought of opening up my relationship. I've been with my partner for 3.5 months and the topic came up a few times. Before meeting him I was curious about open relationships but when he brought it up, I was totally freaked out and felt very insecure.  Two weekends ago he had a panic attack and it ended with him breaking up with me.  Soon after I connected with another man. Two days later my partner came back.  We talked things through and decided to be together.

My questions are: is it a good idea to establish our relationship more, get to know and trust each other better, and again, before exploring an open relationship? Or better to have the early foundation of our relationship be that of an open one? 

I found you through your don't ask don't tell article. I don't know if I'm ready to kiss and connect with others (our agreement is that when we aren't together we can kiss others). I don't know how to talk to him about kissing someone else, I don't want to hurt or lose him, and I don't like the idea of hearing about him kissing someone else... But ultimately I'd love to feel good sharing things and being open, honest and happy for each other. Is it just too soon?

Are we not ready or is this just something we have to force ourselves to go through so we can learn from it and get to a place where we can be open and share experiences?

 

I'm so glad you wrote me!  I know it's a hard place to be in, but I'm hoping it helps to hear you are far from alone.  The tension you describe between being curious and terrified at the same time is all too common among people who are first starting to think about openness.  I meet with lots of couples who say trying to open their relationships felt like a wild emotional roller coaster ride (articulated in your panic attack/break up example).  

There are a couple phrases you used in your message that I want to point out to help respond.  You asked "is it too soon for us" in a number of different ways.  I find a lot of people get stuck on that question  because their individual truth is "this is too soon for me."  Check in with yourself- does that resonate?  Is it too soon for you?  

There is no exact right or wrong time to start negotiating openness in a relationship for the first time.  There are plenty of reasons it can be a struggle when you're just beginning with a new partner and I've seen lots of people struggle to open previously monogamous relationships as well.  

But a couple things you said made me think you might want to put on the brakes a bit for now.  First, hearing that the conversation about openness lead to panic attacks and break ups tells me you might want to ease in more gently and have stronger resiliency support around you both.  You also want to commit to working together instead of threatening break ups.  I would recommend sorting out those things for now, so your conversations about openness can feel less dramatic.  

Finally, your word choice "is this something we just have to force ourselves..." is really telling to me.  I often tell clients "you can't force anything good" and ask people I support to reconsider the "have tos" in their lives.  Relationships function better with want tos instead of have tos.  This more than anything tells me it's time for you to slow down.  

Please understand by slow down I am not saying you should stay monogamous now or forever- you can (and should) revisit this conversation often and with each new partner you build relationship with.  I'm saying it sounds like things have progressed more quickly than either of you may have anticipated and it's time to pause for more reflection before taking more action.  

It's not about how long you've been together, it's about the way you're being together dear one.



Gina Senarighi Oregon Couples Retreat Polyamorous Couples Retreat

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sex educator and relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, LGBTQ issues and infidelity.  

She can help you:

  • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move past jealousy, insecurity or codependecy
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • break unhealthy communication patterns 

Contact her for a free consultation to see if working with her is right for you.

Click here to download her free guides to strengthen your relationship (monogamous or not).

What the Bachelor Gets Right About Polyamory

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It's time I come out about one of my guiltiest pleasures- I've been watching the Bachelor (and Bachelorette) since the beginning. It started as a curiosity (because I really do love love and relationships- in all forms) and has continued to inspire me to help people change the way they're doing relationships.

I know it could seem counter-intuitive for someone who does so much work with polyamory and non-monogamy to stay loyal to a show based all around the fantasy that there is one true love out there for every one of us.  

(Not to mention so many super dated ideas about what relationships are, and how gender works... I digress...)

One thing I have always LOVED about the show though is that it normalizes many of the important principles of non-monogamy and brings them to a mainstream audience.  Suddenly people who have never realized its possible to love, care for, or ethically date more than one person at a time are questioning long-held beliefs about monogamy- and I think that's a good thing.

I'm going to outline my favorite lessons in non-monogamy from the Bachelor below to celebrate my favorite Bachelorette of all closing in on her final rose next week.  If you're watching I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.  

What the Bachelor/ette Gets Right About Non-Monogamy

1.  Time is essential

Love may be infinite, but time is not and on the Bachelor (much like in most non-monogamous relationships) conflicts over who gets more time and comparisons of the quality of time one date gets vs another are HUGE.  

On the show (and in reali non-monogamous life) time (screen time and date time) often communicates importance or priority to our partners.  Every season has had heated conflict between suitors who want more time- and worry they're not getting enough. 

To avoid running the circles so many Bachelor/ette contestants have, get clear about your time commitments and what they mean to you with each partner who matters to you.

2.  Comparison will eat you alive

It is so easy to get lost in comparison when our partner spends quality time with someone else.  We easily start wondering if they are funnier/sexier/smarter/more exciting than us.  

You can see this happen every time someone gets a 1:1 date on the Bachelor/ette.  The contestants who aren't on the date easily spiral into worries about their comparative inadequacies.  Usually they shrivel into isolation and self-doubt or combust in ego and overcompensation.  

The thing is, no two connections are the same.  Each one is very different so trying to compare will only drive you bananas.

In my practice I've seen many clients get stuck in spiraling comparative thoughts.  Remember, comparison will never lead you where you want to go- contestants on the show who get stuck there rarely make it to the home visits (final rounds).

3. Stay focused on your own time

As I said before, time is limited and when you're sharing it with many people it becomes especially precious.  And yet, comparison, jealousy, and insecurity often lead us to bring other people to mind and conversation when we finally do get to be alone with our special someone.  

This has become a bigger issue with each turning season of the Bachelor/ette.  One contestant or another fixates on another "not being there for the right reasons" and loses focus on why they're there themselves.  One known kiss of death in this show is using the brief time you have with the Bachelor/ette 1:1 (usually during cocktail parties and group dates) to complain about another contestant. 

Take a lesson from the many failed contestants over the years: stay present during your time with a sweetheart.  Don't spend your precious moments talking about anyone but the two of you.

4.  Yes, you can love more than one person at a time

This is my favorite hypocracy of the Bachelor Franchise.  The show is all about finding your one true love and living happily ever after, yet with each passing season it becomes more clear it is possible to love multiple people at the same time.  

One of the biggest scandals of the show's history was when Bachelor Ben Higgins said "I love you" to two different women.  The audience was shocked (many appalled), "HOW COULD THIS BE?"  

Yes, ultimately he chose just one woman to propose to.  I mean, that is the fantasy the show centers on people.  

But the message still gets sent home to all those folks who doubt multiple loves- YES, it IS possible to love more than one person.  It is my hope that with this growing awareness (multiple attractions, friendships, romances, and even loves can co-exist) we might start building a healthier form of monogamy- one that understands attractions are real and non-threatening and more folks might consider healthy non-monogamy without shame.  

Maybe that's a lofty goal for a pretty cheesy reality TV show, but we have to start somewhere.   


online couples therapy, couples counseling online, couples retreat oregon

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • reconnect with passion & desire in long-term partnerships
  • rebuild trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • manage intense emotions that arise in conflicts
  • resolve sexual dysfunction & disconnect
  • change communication & codependent patterns
  • open your relationship & practice polyamory with integrity

I lead couples retreats, host workshops, and see private clients online (and in Portland).

Call me for a free consultation to rethink the way you do relationships.

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

Couples Who Learn Together Stay Together

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Relationships with room for learning and growth are more fulfilling over time.  

The couples I see stay together keep learning alive in three key ways:

Couples Who Learn on Their Own

Staying connected to your own passions and interests is critical to the long-term success of your relationship.  Of course it's easy to set aside your independence early in a relationship when you're caught up in new relationship energy- but to stay together long-term each of your individual wellness needs to be fostered. 

Get out and try something new, get creative, read a book- just for you.  It can significantly improve the health of your connection.  

Couples Who Learn Together

One of the great parts of starting a new relationship is all the excitement that comes from learning together.  Every date with a new person is about discovery and exploration.  And that newness is intoxicating. 

Over time we stop discovering together- and that is some of why passion and excitement can wane.  Commit to learning together to keep discovery and fascination alive.  

Challenge yourself:

Many of my couples make a bucket list of things they want to learn - together and independently- from wine tasting, to tango, pottery to poker, they create a long list of possibilities to draw from.  Once the list is created (without editing) you can decide together which you want to commit to trying out now.

Try something new together this weekend, learn together and watch your love grow. 


couples therapy online couples counseling

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • reconnect with passion in your long-term relationship
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • change unhealthy communication and codependent patterns
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

How to Predict Your Break Up

sex therapist open relationships therapist couples counseling for sexual difference desire and passion in marriage

What keeps couples together long-term?

It is not uncommon to go through phases of connection and disconnection in relationship.  But some of us stay together, and others break up. 

Some of the best training I have received to understand couples is studying the work of John Gottman. Gottman is based in Seattle and set out to see if you could measure relationship strength based on behaviors.  

Strong couples do things differently

Over time it became clear- strong couples do things differently.  In the video below John Gottman himself outlines one thing you can do today to improve your relationship.  

There are a lot of things you can do to improve your relationship, but if you really want just one step, getting curious about getting to know your loved one is a great place to start.  

When we think of the beginning romance phase of a relationship (when most of us are the most excited about our partners) we are often really invested in forming what Gottman calls a Love Map.  We do this by interviewing them and being fascinated by their answers.

"You love broccoli?!?  I love broccoli too!!!"  We are meant to be together. 

Over time we stop interviewing.  We assume old answers still hold true.  

But the truth is, we all change in time and most of our answers do too.  When we stop asking we stop seeing our partner as a growing being.  We miss out on opportunities to get to know them more fully.  

Challenge Yourself:

I created a few tools I use all the time with the clients I support specifically to address this issue.  You can use them totally free in your own relationship _ I'm confident they'll help! 

Add your email to get my regular messages and challenges to keep you connected with fascination, curiosity, and desire long-term.  


couples therapy online couples counseling

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • reconnect with passion in your long-term relationship
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • change unhealthy communication and codependent patterns
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

Why You're Not Having Sex: Get Inspired

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Couples who share fulfilling sex lives long-term talk about sex in three specific ways.  Today I'm outlining one of the three as a part of my series on desire fatigue in long-term relationships.  

Read the rest of the series here.

Have Sex Tonight

Get the guide I created to have better sex in your relationship right away.  Enter your information below to access the guide (and a bunch of other great tools for successful relationships). 

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portland polyamory counseling online sex therapy couples counseling

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • reconnect with passion in your long-term relationship
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, fear, and insecurity 
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • change unhealthy communication and codependent patterns
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

Why You're Not Having Sex: Make Some Repairs

sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

Desire fatigue (diminishing passion over time) is SUPER common in long-term relationships, but it doesn't have to be.  

I'm using this series to outline the simplest ways to overcome the most common reasons couples stop having sex. CLICK HERE to read the full series.


In this video we'll talk about one of the most common things getting in the way of your sexual connection- repair work.  All too often couples grow distant or have trouble finding the spark because something went wrong and was left unresolved in the past.  Here's what to do about it:

Enter your information below to get access to my full toolkit for Sexual Desire in Relationships.

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  1. READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

  2. Biology

  3. Time Scarcity

  4. Lack of Self-Care

  5. Maintenance Sex 

  6. Lack of Inspiration

  7. Assumption-Making 

  8. Initiation Hesitation 

  9. Lacking Feedback

  10. Poor Consent Practices 

  11. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

  12. Routine Boredom 

  13. Necessary Repairs

  14. Desire Maintenance

  15. Alone Time


open relationship counseling online couples therapy for nonmonogamy

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • rekindle the magic and ignite passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond codependency, insecurity and reactive jealousy
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • change unhealthy communication patterns
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor, certified relationship coach, and retired couples therapist specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  She hosts retreats, workshops, and sees clients for consultation online and in Portland, Oregon. 

Why You're Not Having Sex: Desire Maintenance

sex therapist portland sex counselor desire and passion in relationship

Desire fatigue (diminishing passion over time) is SUPER common in long-term relationships, but it doesn't have to be.  

I'm using this series to outline the simplest ways to overcome the most common reasons couples stop having sex. CLICK HERE to read the full series.


In this video we'll talk about desire maintenance- how to fuel the desire within you so you can keep it happening between you.  Watch here:

Enter your information below to get access to my full toolkit for Sexual Desire in Relationships.

Name *
Name
 

If you want to talk more about keeping desire alive in your relationship schedule a free call with me.  I'd love to hear from you.

  1. READ THE REST OF THE SERIES:

  2. Biology

  3. Time Scarcity

  4. Lack of Self-Care

  5. Maintenance Sex - Break Free of Obligation

  6. Lack of Inspiration - Invest in Creativity, Wonder and Awe

  7. Assumption-Making - Get Curious and Explore

  8. Initiation Hesitation - Live Courageously and Circle Back

  9. Lacking Feedback - Highlights Reel

  10. Poor Consent Practices - Talk During

  11. Sex Negativity - Don't Yuck Their Yum

  12. Routine Boredom - Fantasy Sharing, Find Inspiration

  13. Necessary Repairs - Move Past Resentment with Apology and Personal Responsibility

  14. Desire Maintenance - Invest in Your Sexiness

  15. Alone Time


POLYAMORY COUNSELING OPEN RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING ONLINE COUPLES THERAPY

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • break unhealthy communication patterns 
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

How to Listen to Stay Together

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Intentional or not, every interaction we have with another person is about communication. We're almost constantly communicating with our body, tone, words and facial expressions.

If you want a healthy relationship that lasts over time, learning to communicate effectively using solid communication skills is essential.

Communicating poorly is one of the greatest predictors of a break up (or divorce).

So if you want to stay together focusing energy on improving your communication skills is essential.  Today we'll outline two critical communication skills that if practiced, will dramatically enhance your understanding of each other.

 

1. Self-awareness and reflective listening

Knowing if you tend to a react or reflect can help you shift the way you do conflict.  

Reactors usually respond to information immediately and interrupt quickly. 

Reflectors more often take time to stop and consider what's being said, before responding.

Imagine how different your conflict patterns might be if both of you reflected before getting defensive or jumping to assumptions.  Your conversations will be more meaningful the more you can shift this pattern.

Here's an example:

Partner’s phrase: “This argument comes up every time we see your parents…”

Reactor:“What are you saying?! It doesn’t! You don’t even know what you are talking about!"

Reflector: Pause. “I think I get where you are coming from. Can you tell me more?”

Take action:

Spend the next 48 hours noticing which contexts and situations you default to reaction instead of reflection.  The more you collect data on your patterns the more awareness you have to work with as you attempt to change them.

 2Respond to the meaning rather than the content

So often in an argument we respond to the content of a statement instead of the meaning underneath.  We get hooked by one piece of information and fail to see the bigger picture.

Usually this leads the whole conversation off track. Instead of making progress we wind around details and unimportant stories often leaving us confused or making the conflict last much longer than necessary. 

Instead of getting hooked, try to identify the core meaning in the messages your partner is sending. Filter through the less important information, stories, facts, or analogies and focus on finding the core meaning. 

Here are a couple examples:

Partner: “I see you flirting with other people! Why do you act that way?!”

Possible core meanings: 

  • I really like our relationship and I'm afraid it could end.
  • I am feeling insecure right now.
  • I want more fully present time with you, please don't get distracted by others.
  • I miss flirting with you and want more playfulness or romance in our relationship.

Partner: “You never help around the house!  I feel like I'm your maid!”

Possible core meanings: 

  • I need more support from you.
  • I want recognition and appreciation for the work I do.
  • Mutuality and equality are core values of mine.  Do they matter to you?
  • Does it matter to you that I'm frustrated?

Give yourself time to work on this, it doesn't always come easily.  But with practice you'll feel more confident in this practice and your conflicts will resolve more efficiently.

I created a toolkit that could be useful as you try to implement this at home.  Enter your information below and I'll send you the Compassionate Communication Toolkit (and you'll get access to a bunch of other great tools 

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If you want help working on these skills don't hesitate to give me a call. I'm now taking online clients and working with people all over the world in video sessions.


Polyamory counseling | open relationship counseling | online couples therapy

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • break unhealthy communication patterns 
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.  

35 Things to Say to Show You Care

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Hearing someone's emotional pain can be really hard.  The more intimately you care about someone, the more difficult it can be.  

We too easily jump to the wrong response.  Most of us default to trying to “fix it," or we try to tell our own stories to connect, or try to cheer them up- and we miss the mark.  Leaving both us and the person we're supporting feeling confused or alone.

When people experience pain, they need to be heard and validated through empathy, not pity or sympathy.  But most of us aren't taught skills for showing empathy and really hearing those we love.  Even though we mean well, we usually have a hard time coming up with empathetic responses.

When we empathize with people we care about, we give them space to process, feel heard and validated in their feelings and an opportunity for real support.

Some people seem naturally gifted with the ability to empathize with others, while other people have to work at expanding their comfort with emotions. With a little practice anyone can get better at offering empathy in relationships.

If you're not sure what to say to someone who is hurting try some of the responses below.  This list of statements has been designed to incorporate words/feelings for what you are experiencing in hearing another persons’ pain.

These example statements will be better received when they are said from an authentic place.  Reflect on the situation at hand, and then try these on (in your mind, or out loud) to see which resonates most for you before you share them with your loved one.

Empathetic Statements that Show You Really Care:

  1. That sounds so hard.
  2. I bet you feel hurt because of this experience.
  3. Sometimes these things don’t really make sense.  
  4. I imagine this is really confusing.
  5. I have your back in this.
  6. I can hear in your voice that this has been really difficult for you.
  7. Thank you for opening up to share this with me.
  8. Hearing you say that gives me chills.
  9. I am here for you anytime.
  10. That would frustrate me too.
  11. It sounds like you have really tried to make sense of all of this.
  12. I would be asking the same questions you are if I were in the situation.
  13. This kind of thing is never easy.
  14. I might be really frustrated or annoyed if that happened in my life.
  15. That sounds really frightening.
  16. Is there anything else you would like to share?
  17. How can I best show my support for you?
  18. It is clear that this has deeply affected you.
  19. If something like that happened to me I would be very upset too.
  20. I hear you.
  21. It sounds like you have been really stressed.
  22. That does sound tough.
  23. I bet that was really overwhelming.
  24. You are right, it does not make sense at all.
  25. I bet that had a big impact.
  26. I will be with you through this.
  27. That sounds frightening.
  28. That is super disappointing.
  29. Is there some tangible way I can offer my support to you in this?
  30. I can see why you'd be really hurt by that.
  31. That sounds scary.
  32. That must be infuriating.
  33. No wonder you are upset.
  34. I am happy to talk more if you need.
  35. It must have taken some courage to share that with me.  I appreciate your bravery.

If you want a little more empathy coaching, I'm happy to schedule a solo session with you to help you communicate with greater impact. 


sex therapist portland sex counselor bdsm polyamory counseling

Hi!  I'm glad you're reading.  Let me know if I can help you:

  • rediscover passion in long-term relationships
  • repair trust after infidelity or dishonesty
  • move beyond jealousy, insecurity or codependency
  • resolve sexual dysfunction and disconnect
  • break unhealthy communication patterns 
  • open your relationship and practice polyamory with care

Call me for a free consultation to rethink your relationship.

 

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a communication consultant, sexuality counselor and certified relationship coach specializing in polyamory, open relationships, jealousy, and infidelity.